you chose poorly [mobile phone rant]

posted 2019年 9月19日

in case it wasn’t clear, the title of this post is supposed to be a parody of the indiana jones film (the last crusade?) with the holy grail scene. you know, the grail knight or whatever he’s called tells them to identify and drink from the “true” grail, which was hidden among dozens of false ones. “choose, but choose wisely” he says, or something similar. then the nazi-supporter drinks from the fancy-looking cup and then rapidly ages to death. this is when grail knight says the infamous line: he chose… poorly

let’s get the obvious stuff out of the way first

if you own a mobile phone, especially a “smartphone”, your phone does not exist for your convenience. you are not the customer. as with many online “services”, you are the product. and you get to pay for it, too! most likely every month!

oh and also i want to point out that when i use the word “you” in this rant, most of the time i probably don’t literally mean you. and in any case, i’m bitching about phones, not people. and my real rant hasn’t started yet.

so, putting aside how much money we shell out to monopolies so they can better spy on us and turn the people into sheeple so when things take turns for the worse we can either decide not to care, be completely ignorant that problems exist that are as bad as they are, or have no clue how to go about trying to undo the mistakes we’ve made because we chose fucking poorly and we keep choosing poorly because everything is built to be a trap.

i’m being ambiguous because there are too many examples i want to name of stupid things that we, collectively, have allowed to happen or been unable to stop from happening.

oh for the love of moe

i started writing this hours ago.

[time passes]



[more time passes]

[it is now 24 september 2019]

[guess i should finish by saying what i wanted to say in the first place]

they aren’t phones anymore

here’s my problem. for years now, the biggest thing mobile “phone” makers (read: samsung and apple) make different and better in newer models is the camera. yes; i’m saying when you buy a new samsung galaxy or apple iphone you are buying a modded out digital camera with malware (including a smegton of spyware) and an antenna so the built-in malware i mentioned can listen in on your conversations you have when you call someone else’s camera.

do you remember when not all mobile phones were camera phones? i do. i remember when they didn’t even have colour screens. i miss playing snake. that was a good fucking game. i remember when camera phones were only .3 megapixels and that was fine with people. it used to be smegging fun af to follow all the new upcoming phones that were coming out. there was so much variety and innovations happening left and right. i could never decide on what phone i wanted most in those days, because there were so many good and unique options.

so what mobile phone do i want now that phones suck?

i’m too poor to dream about getting the librem 5 when it comes out so i’ve decided i’ll likely be buying the much cheaper pinephone instead, whenever it comes out. both phones better deliver what they’re saying they will, mind you. if they don’t end up being as advertised i’ll be more disappointed than when i saw indiana jones and the crystal skull or whatever that garbage film was called.

i’ve said my piece, left out a lot of stuff, didn’t really proofread properly (or at all), didn’t make sure it flowed naturally, and am way overdue for a post. sounds like i’m ready to upload this to the wired.

remember to stay tasty o/